HTML clipboardA:hover {color: red; font-weight: bold} I wrote this is 2005 before my little girl was born. She is now almost 3 years and the love of my life and we are expecting a new addition.
Please take this story as an example and as a warning and share it with those who need a kick in the pants. This is as plainly as I can put it. I’m 26 years old and pregnant with my first child – an unexpected blessing. Honestly, I thought it’d be 3 or 4 more years before this happened, but you have to take life as it comes. The thought of taking care of a vulnerable, helpless, little person is daunting and depressing when you feel you don’t have what it takes emotionally or materially.
I’ve come to the realization that my life has been lived rather selfishly – for the moment rather than thinking about the future. Saving money and living conservatively were never things we, my brother and I, were taught as children. A hard lesson was learned when I discovered I was up to my eyeballs in credit card debt and barely able to make the payments even with a good job. At that point I cancelled every card and joined a credit repayment program, which has helped, but not enough. I live in a rented house, drive an old, crappy, unsafe vehicle and don’t really have much to call my own except for the clothes on my back. My past decisions have jeopardized my being able to replace that car with something safer, the possibility of getting a home of our own and the need to raise my child myself instead of paying someone else to do it for me. And to top it all off my husband hates me.
As a child I got used to a certain standard of living and tried to recreate that in my young adulthood. What I didn’t put together is that my father was able to provide this lifestyle because he lived conservatively in his youth, stayed out of debt and built equity in a home – not to mention he makes or made a lot more that I even do now or probably ever will. Now without any credit or equity I try to catch up and make ends meet. To top it all off my father lost his job and my mother has severe health problems that require that he have a job that offers insurance or enough funds so he can purchase his own health insurance. We just received news that one of my mother’s younger sisters has a massive brain tumor near her brain stem that may kill her in short order if it’s not taken care of soon. Even then the doctor’s can’t guarantee that she’ll make it through the surgery and even if she does she could be blinded or paralyzed for the rest of her life. So, in addition to finding a way to clear up my own messes I’ve been trying to help my dad find a job or set up a business that will use his skills, help my mother lift her spirits and her health, and try to find ways to help my aunt whom I love very much. This world and our own stupidity find a way to beat us down.
I love my parents, my family and this little creature in my womb. I have an obligation to them all - to take care of them no matter what happens even if it means selling all the things I have to do so. So, that’s what I’m doing. I’ve taken pretty good care of the things I bought – all the things that got me into financial trouble. I wish I could sell the college education I received, but the only way I can get that money back is through work.
I want to be able to offer my child the same attention and love that my mother gave to me. At six months I was saying small words, at eight months I was saying small phrases, by the time I was 2 I was speaking English and Spanish fluently. By three years I could read and at four I was doing simple math. This little history has convinced me that this child of mine with my full attention can be ten times smarter than I ever was. Knowledge doesn’t get you much until you put it into practice and I hope I can do this effectively for the physical and emotional well being of my child.
I know I can’t be the only one to be pressed by these types of stresses or even worse and I know there has to be a way out. It would be appreciated if you could share your stories and your solutions with me.
Update . . . March 15, 2006
I hope things don’t get much worse. Need advice on how to dig my family out of a hole.
Last year we had an unexpected yet happy announcement when my husband and I found out I was pregnant. Things moved so quickly and we knew life would have to change. A bit impetuously we bought a house shortly before I was to give birth. Our daughter was born in mid November and we couldn’t have been happier. Then “all hell broke loose”.
On December 25 we were in a horrible car wreck with a telephone pole. My husband’s pelvis, tail bone, collar bone, sternum and 4 ribs were all broken. Thank goodness nothing happened to our then 6 week old baby and myself other than whiplash. So now instead of being able to focus our full attention on our precious child and moving into our new place we were nursing my husband back to health.
Then the medical bills started. We have charges from our babies birth, my hospital stay, my husband’s hospital stay, the accident, the traffic ticket, rent on our old place, the house payment, 2 electric bills and new expenses from the baby. Needless to say we have been up to our eyeballs in debt and worry. He was out of work for 6 weeks and I’ve been out of work since the beginning of November. I couldn’t even go back if I wanted to because I have no car. His is a stick shift and I had a hard enough time learning to drive an automatic to want to try to tackle a stick shift in the middle of winter.
Just the other day I received a letter from my employer terminating my employment even though they said take as long as you need. Even their being aware of our current situation and being without a car didn’t change their minds. My boss stubbornly refused to allow me to telecommute though my position was such that it lent itself well to off site work. So now I really can’t go back at all. With what I had been earning I’d been taking care of what debt I’d incurred in college. Now I don’t know what I’m going to do.
On top of everything this week my husband has been sick with a horrible tooth ache. A previous dentist botched a filling job and part of the tooth broke off. He’s dealt with the inconvenience until now, but it’s getting serious. A new dentist recommended a root canal which all told will cost approx. $2000. Unfortunately, we can’t spare that kind of dough right now and we don’t have dental insurance coverage.
Does anyone have any suggestions on where to start now? I have experience in website design, network administration, sales, English to Spanish and Spanish to English translation/interpretation, and medical billing/insurance processing. I want to help my husband close the gap we are in right now so any advice you can give or work that I can do that you have available would be appreciated. Donations will also be humbly accepted.
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